A Logical Explanation

"Skippy, Skippy, Skippy" Fenton began.

Skippy knew the tone. Every dog knows that tone. He lowered his head and crept to the doorway, cautiously looking back at his master.

Fenton sighed and felt bad for his dog. "Aw, come here, boy!" he called, in a lighter tone. "I'm not that mad, you just upset me. You nearly got yourself run over last night. Plus, you made us late for the game."

Skippy happily trotted over and rested his head on Fenton's knee. All was forgiven. Life had meaning again.

Skippy and Fenton were dual mascots for the Fillmore High Howling Huskies football team. Last night had been a big game - the last of the season - and the rest of the cheer squad was not happy to be without their mascots for the entire first quarter. Fenton was a big boy - bigger than most of the players on the team and he made an imposing Husky. Mascots from opposing teams usually backed down from any half-time wacky confrontations. Only "Beaky", the parrot from the Polk Pirates dared take him on. Last night, the opponents were the Lincoln Loggers. Their lumberjack looked elfin compared to giant Fenton. Every year, coach tried to convince Fenton to put away the dog costume and don a football uniform but Fenton always declined. He enjoyed the performance aspect of his mascot role. The cheer squad quickly forgave Fenton when he explained that Skippy had almost been hit by a car while taking a brief roadside bathroom break.

The Huskies won the game, surely in large part due to the superior cheering. After a night of revelry, the quiet morning gave Fenton the opportunity to reflect upon his dog's brush with danger. Fenton scratched between Skippy's ears. "You gave me quit a scare. I thought that car was going to hit you. I freaked out!"

Skippy groaned happily, lost in the wonderful head massage Fenton was applying.

Fenton thought about the night. The red car. Running to save his dog - it's so hard to move in the husky costume and the head blocks out all peripheral vision. He'd run into something..the driver? Fenton wasn't sure. He hadn't had time to check.

Fenton bent down and kissed the top of Skippy's head. "Well, boy. I think the time has come. When you tussled with that skunk last week, I'd hoped the smell would just wear off. I gotta tell you, it ain't wearin' off. Bath time."

Fee-fi-fo-fum…

“My clothes in tatters, my hands torn, and missing my left shoe, I finally stopped running. It had been ambush. That poor dog lying in the road, but what was it that chased me? It came out of nowhere. I stopped to help the dog when it hit it me. No way it could’ve a man…too big, to strong, and that smell. What was with the smell? It was like a thousand garbage dumps. I must be losing it. Things like this don’t happen in real life.

Why did it stop chasing me? I mean I’m no slouch but I’m not moving so fast these days.

Aghhhh god what the heck. This is too much for me.”

“Sir, I need you to calm down”

“Seriously, you want me to calm down. Are you listening to me at all? Did you not hear my story? I was attacked. I was ambushed in the road…by some…thing. Some beast.”

“Sir, I can’t help you if you don’t slow down and give me your name.”

“I’m not giving you my name. You clearly don’t believe me. You think I ran through the cornfields all night for fun? I’m not crazy. This happened. I was attacked”

“Sir, what do you want me to write here? That a bigfoot lured you out of your car with a puppy, tackled you, then let you go? Really? None of that makes sense”

“I never said the b-word! All I’m saying is that a large animal attacked me and I got away. Maybe it was a bear. Maybe it had second thoughts. I don’t know. I just don’t know”

“So let me get this straight sir, you won’t give me your name. You don’t know what happened, and you don’t seem to want help. What exactly do you want me to do for you?”

“Alright never mind. I’m going home”

Keith left the office and hobbled to the phone bank to call a cab. While waiting outside for his ride he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being watched. “Probably just that officer I spoke with, she thinks I’m crazy”, he reasoned “I’m not crazy”.

He wasn’t.

In Other News

Rusty sipped his coffee and looked around the diner. He didn't see the waitress from last time. Everyone deserves a day off once in awhile, he mused. Rusty glanced out the window. Still no sign of Drew. He clutched at the envelope and wished the boy would show up. He wasn't looking forward to the meeting.

Rusty thought about the events of the previous evening. Keith in his truck, Glenda smashing into his lawn and finally, what he had learned from the officer before Glenda was taken away. Rusty was so lost in thought that he didn't notice Drew until the boy slid into the booth.

As usual, Drew looked a little disheveled and out of breath. Rusty surmised that the boy had ridden his bicycle to the diner. Rusty took a deep breath and waited a moment for Drew to settle into the booth.

"Hi, Drew. How have you been?"

"Great." Drew responded impatiently. "Why did you want to meet? Did you find Keith?"

"Sort of. More like he found me. He was waiting in the back of my truck last night."

"Whoa!" Drew exclaimed, chuckling. "Did you freak out?"

Rusty was annoyed that Drew immediately assumed that he had 'freaked out'. It was true, that he had, indeed, freaked out. But it still irked Rusty that Drew would expect it from him.

"It was a bit startling, to say the least." Rusty admitted.

"So," began Drew, "what did he want? Did he know you were looking for him?" Drew paused. "Did he, did he mention me?"

Rusty took a sip of coffee and carefully placed the cup on the table. He'd been holding the envelope under the table and now he pulled it out and tossed it in front of Drew.

"He wanted me to give this to you. And, he wanted to be left alone."

"What is it?"

"I don't know. It's addressed to you."

"And you didn't look inside?"

"Of course not." Rusty replied, indignantly. In truth, he really hadn't had an opportunity to take a peek.

"Thanks." Drew said,stuffing the envelope inside his coat.

Drew started to slide out of the booth but he sensed that the meeting wasn't over.

"Is there something else?"

Rusty nodded. Noting his solemn demeanor, Drew sat quietly.

"Drew, Keith is missing."

"Duh, Rusty. I've been looking for him forever. He's always missing."

"No Drew. I talked to a police officer this morning. Apparently, Keith's car was found by the side of the highway, engine running, door open."

Drew nodded but said nothing. Rusty tried to read his face, but the boy was good at hiding his feelings.

"It could mean anything, Drew."

Drew looked at Rusty. "Not really. I mean, he obviously didn't have car trouble. More likely, his past caught up with him. I'm sure a guy like him had a lot of enemies."

Rusty nodded. "I'm sorry, Drew, but it seems likely Keith ran into trouble."

Drew swallowed. "Or, at least that's what he wants everyone to think."

Rusty looked at the boy. It hadn't occurred to him that Keith might fake his own disappearance but it made perfect sense. It was just the sort of thing Keith would do.

I'm not crazy!

As the warmth spread over Penny's chest she began to become aware of things. First off, why is a cat peeing on me? Second, where am I? Third, what happened to my amazing day? She struggled to open her eyes. A glance at Shane, the cat and the security people was enough to make her close her eyes again. As she lay there she took stock of her body. Arms, legs,head, everything seemed to be in place. Aside from feeling like she'd been hit by a bus she was in one piece. A painful piece but still one piece.

Shane could have kicked himself. How could I be fooled by a cat! What's wrong with me! Get a grip man! As he calmed down the security guards loosened their hold on him. “ I need to get back to my sister!” “ Sir, cats are not allowed in the hospital.” “I know that now but that cat was a special cat.” “Sir, that cat is the oddest cat we've ever seen. He peed on someone! We don't do that here. He also took some drugs. Tell us where the cat is and you can see your sister.” I don't know! It's not my cat! It was in my truck and it said it could save my sister so I brought it here!” Sir, did you actually say that the cat talked to you? We need to get psyche down here right now. This guy is nuts!” “No” cried Shane as they transported him to the special floor with the padded rooms. The last thing Shane saw before they locked him in his room was the cat with a very satisfied look on his face peering out from behind a slightly ajar door.

Old Friends

“I hate cats”, bemoaned Shane as he attempted to shoo the stray from his truck.

“Shane, it’s me, cut it out already. You know I’m not leaving this seat.”

“Whatever man, I don’t want whatever it is you’re selling. I learned my lesson that time you made me think I was rescuing that hitchhiker while you were reporting her as kidnapped. I hate you! You suck, so get out of my truck before I have to throw you out.”

“Chill Shane, I have a proposal and we both know you lack the huevos necessary to throw me out. I’m a talking cat for goodness sakes, do you have any idea what I could do to you?”

Hugo wasn’t bluffing. While he was currently in a rather benevolent phase of his life, in the past he had killed, pillaged, destroyed. He was the one who inspired the Vikings, he was the first plague rat in Europe and he taught Nero the song to play while Rome burned. His threat, while vague, was certainly not idle.

“Alright! Fine! Let’s hear it. Spit it out and get out of my truck. I have to get to the city Penny is in bad shape. She was hit by a bus.”

“Penny is in trouble you say? Interesting…well as a talking cat there are certain things I can and cannot do. For instance I could save Penny’s life if you would like, but I could not…well actually I would not do that unless you did something for me.”

“I got it! You’re a cat that can talk. Now stop wasting my time. What do you want?”

“I want you to……..scratch my belly. No that was a cat joke. Really I want you to kill me. I’m sick and tired of being a cat. I need a change. Unfortunately I cannot do the job myself so I need to enlist your help. Will you help me?”

“Really dude I don’t want to kill some cat. But I guess if you’ll save Penny first I’d do much worse than that.”

“Great! Alright let’s get started.”

With all the traffic the drive into the city was fairly lengthy but Shane’s new found hope for Penny made it go quickly. When they arrived Shane shoved Hugo into a backpack and entered the hospital. He was immediately stopped by the security guard who found it odd that a backpack was purring. Shane quickly made up a story about animal therapy and how it was far less stressful for the cat to be transported in the backpack because it reminds animals of being in the womb, and he was ushered past the guard. Once in Penny’s room Shane opened the bag and Hugo leapt up onto the comatose Penny’s chest.

Only to relieve himself

“What the hell dude, you can’t just pee on Penny”

“Don’t worry Shane I’m helping her” He wasn’t “it’s time for you to uphold your end of the bargain. Break into the drug cabinet and get me some hydrocodone. Opiates are my only weakness” they aren’t “make sure to crush it up really fine, I have a sensitive nose”

Shane was still busy crushing when security arrived. They immediately grabbed him and watched as the Hugo sniffed up all the drugs.

“When will Penny get better?” Shane yelled through the tussle

“Oh dude I don’t actually help people. I’m a cat, I just peed on her while you got me high. Man you sound like an idiot.”

The presence of a talking cat threw off the security guards enough that the now stoned Hugo strolled out of the hospital and made his way back outside to find a taxi.

“It’s always a good day to be a cat”

Left for Dead

Uump Uump Uump ba da bump ba bah da…

Shane groggily fumbled around for his phone. He felt self-conscious about his ring tone. What time was it anyway? 10:30am, he realized that he hadn't set an alarm because he wasn't planning on going to sleep. "Shit," he thought, he was still in the motel room and double shit: the woman he picked up on the road with sitting in the recliner staring at him. He must have been so tired after his long haul that he fell asleep when he was pretending to sleep and now what was he going to do. Well, first he had to find his phone, then maybe he could figure out what to do next.

It just said "Unknown Caller". He didn't usually answer those types of calls. 'If they want to talk to me, they can tell me who they are,' that was the Shane principle, but he didn't want to deal with the problem sitting in the recliner so he picked up.

"Hello," he said. There was a pause and then somber voice started on the other side.

"I have to get to Indianapolis" he said to the problem in the recliner, then his brain stopped working "bus penny hospital penny coma I'm sorry I'm leaving I'm sorry" He dumped the contents on his wallet on the nightstand, barely enough for the beet surprise next door. He started to cry, Penny always hated beet surprise.

He ran out the door and directly into a tiny woman with buck teeth, a sharp nose and beady eyes. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry he said picking her up and hurrying to his truck. She barely seemed to notice that he'd knocked her down. He got into the truck and started to drive. He could be in Indianapolis in 2 hours if he really sped he thought. Penny used to love to ride with him when she was younger, she loved being up high able to see everything, radioing to other truckers, honking the horn for the school kids, he looked over to the passenger seat and was shocked to notice he wasn't alone. Sitting, lazily bathing himself in the sun was the cat with the creepy eyes.

Flat Broke

-That went better than I imagined it would. I might have a shot at getting this job after all. Man, my life is gonna be totally different no more serving crappy food for crappy tips. Today is my day. You know what Penny? I think you deserve some frozen yogurt! Yea, with crushed Oreos on top!-

“Hello ma’am what can I get you?”

“Why I’ll have a medium…no make that a large chocolate with crushed Oreos on top. Heavy on the Oreos I’m celebrating.” Beamed Penelope

“Well here you go ma’am. May I ask what you’re celebrating this fine day?”

“Absolutely…I have just completed what may have been the best job interview of my life and the bosses would have to be clinically insane not to hire me.”

“That’s wonderful I wish you the best, maybe once you’re working down here you’ll stop by and see us”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Penelope left the frozen yogurt shop and started her walk to the train station. She could have taken a cab but she was just too happy to be riding around in a back seat, she needed air and people.

-I feel just like Mary Tyler Moore, I mean I don’t have a hat to throw but if I did…-

It’s a shame Penelope wasn’t Mary Tyler Moore, because Mary Tyler Moore looks both ways before she runs across the street in the big city and the Mary Tyler Moore show didn’t end with a bus and a trip to the morgue.